Blog 76 - Excerpt from I am Isabella

An un-edited excerpt from Chapter One of  my novel   I am Isabella:

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I looked in the mirror. Oh man another pimple! I hated pimples. Do you get pimples? I don’t get them bad. Some kids’ faces are covered. Mine just come up to have a holiday and then go away. Dabbing some Clearasil on it I prayed that it would have its holiday quickly and disappear. I pulled on my warm freshly ironed uniform and thought about school.

School. Do you like school? I would describe my feelings towards school as love, hate and like. There were things I loved, there were things I hated and there were things I liked. Obvious hey!

I have thought about this so much that I have categories for my feelings: teachers, students, homework.

Teachers. I really liked my English teacher, Miss George. She was my favourite teacher. Miss gave me great marks on my assignments and she helped me when I get stuck. I actually went to her about my secret and she told me that it would be a good idea to tell it. I even rehearsed for her and she told me how I could improve my speech. She’s done that for other assignments too.  Miss liked it when I put up my hand to answer her questions because most of the other kids didn’t pay much attention ... and she was always friendly and nice to me. I would give her an A+ J

I hated teachers like Mr A. He was my maths teacher. Mr A was the opposite of Miss. No encouragement, no help. When I asked for assistance I got, “Look in the book!” accompanied by a harsh expression. Well the book didn’t have a mouth or a brain so it couldn’t explain the maths to me! I would get so frustrated. Mr A. was so unfriendly and never smiled. I would give him an F L

All the other teachers rated in between – I liked them.

Students. I loved hanging out with my friends at school. Without friends school wouldn’t be much fun. Lunchtimes were spent hanging out at the basketball courts where we would chat, goof off and watch the guys play. Sometimes Tilly liked to stir them up by running onto the court, intercepting the ball and throwing it at the goal, or she would dance around the court playing dodge ‘ems. They would always yell at her and snatch it back. It was funny to watch and we would all be laughing our heads off.

Sofia still came to sit with us. I was getting used to having her around. She was alright. Thursdays, second break was Art Club. I loved Art Club. Mr Brady, one of the art teachers, would teach us about different types of media and techniques. We were learning heaps. Maybe one day I could design skateboard decks. That would be cool to do! J

I hated my bullies. Tia and Carla. The price you paid for being different was called a bully. “Hey poppy eyes. Hi fish head. Hi googly eyes. Hey flat face.” I’d heard them all before. In my imagination when they would spit one at me I would see myself slapping their smiles off their faces. L

Tia you already know about. Carla was in Year Eleven. She made herself known to me on my third day of Year Eight. I was walking to Music and heard a voice say, “Hey fish head.” I looked in the direction which was a bad move, and stared straight into her ugly face. Carla said it again, “Yeah you, fish head.” I was in shock because I had never seen her before. I had no clue who she was. I turned bright red and took off. It was like she had lit a fire baton and was rubbing it all over my body. I told Tilly who went on a mission to find out who this witchy girl was. Tilly became Pinnaroo High’s Detective Holmes. And, like Detective Holmes she solved the mystery – very quickly in fact. Carla was known as a school bully it turned out. I was not her only prey. She picked on lots of kids. During her detective work Tilly found out that Carla couldn’t be expelled because she had some disability which made her exempt, so the school put up with her. Didn’t seem right. I didn’t like meeting up with Carla so if I saw her in the distance I dodged her by walking a different way. Sometimes though it just happened. When it did I flashed her my biggest smile and said, “How are you today kitten?” That was Tilly’s suggestion. I even had to practise saying it to her so it would just come out. Carla never knew what to do and she looked at me like a fish had slapped her in the face. In my heart I would actually much rather take a pair of scissors and cut her up into miniscule pieces! Do you get bullied?

Of course there are other girls and guys I talked to at school, otherwise I would be mute during my classes – they were the ones I liked.

Homework. Do you like homework? I actually didn’t mind doing homework, though I would rather be talking to my friends on Facebook. I really liked English tasks probably because it was my favourite subject. Maths not so much. I got stressed out and angry when I was stuck on problems. I often wanted to chuck the textbook in the bin or throw it out the window into our neighbour’s swimming pool… but of course I didn’t. I would keep on trying and most of the time I figured them out. So I would classify homework as love-hate-like. I can do that because it’s my story. J L

*

I pulled on my white sports socks and well-worn dirty sneakers. Hopefully Mum would buy me some new ones soon. I couldn’t imagine being Sofia, having money. My mum didn’t work and Dad was on an okay wage. He was a long haul truck driver so we didn’t see much of him. Money was always tight. Sofia would never have to wait for a new pair of sneakers. I was sure she had several new pairs sitting in her cupboard. Mine had holes in them.

*

© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey

Blog 75 - I am Isabella - MY NEW NOVEL

I am very excited to announce that my teen novel I am Isabella is at the editor's!

This has been a dream of mine for many many years, to write a novel where the main character has Crouzon syndrome. Isabella does!

The story is fictitious but I draw on my own and Melissa's experiences growing up with Crouzons. In the beginning of the story Isabella who is 13 years old, reveals to her Year Nine English class that she has Crouzon syndrome. She had kept her Crouzon syndrome a secret since leaving primary school. Issy had a facial surgery in Year Four which had made her face look 'normal' but her face was growing and changing back to how it was. Her eyes were becoming bulgy again and she was developing an underbite. It was time, Issy bravely decided.

(I have used Melissa's actual speech, with a bit of writer's licence, that she gave to her Year Eight English class this year).

The book follows Issy's first six months of Year Nine. It follows her through her search for her self-identity living with a facial difference. From rejection in HPE dance lessons, to jealousy, friendship ups and downs, to winning an Art Award, being a talented skateboarder and much more.

I am Isabella is a much needed read for any young teen growing up with a facial difference, and also for friends and family.

I am looking for a publisher so if you have contacts please let them know!


Abstract:

Issy Burgess is thirteen, in Year Nine at Pinnaroo High. The school year begins with Issy telling her English class her secret – that she has Crouzon syndrome. Something she has never done.

The year continues with a series of trials and triumphs. Anxiety attacks, hair disasters, bestie fights, braces and bouts of jealousy. Art awards, the school dance, mastering skateboard tricks and new friendships. This six month journey will see Issy struggle and grow as she begins the journey of finding her self-identity.

© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey

Bog 74 - It has been way too long!

Oh my goodness where has the year gone? I last blogged in May. My year which began in despair with my severe bout of anxiety and depression has progressed into great things!

After the thunderstorm comes the rainbow is cetainly true for me!

God works all things out for good, I can also vouch for!

In April I handed in my resignation as a teacher. It was with a very sad heavy heart that I did so. Teaching was my life. It was my identity. Who was I now? Could I still say I was a teacher even though I wasn't teaching anymore?  Of course I was still a mum and a wife - but I needed a job label - I was too young to be a retiree!

What labels do you have attached to you?

Coordinating the local high school's Community Education classes which I mentioned in my last blog has kept me very busy and has given me that new label I desired :) In July there became a position available to teach adult computer classes so I took that on as a new challenge - another new label :)

Over the year life has taken on a 'new normality'.

Having more time on my hands not teaching has enabled me to achieve two of my life goats - one to write a novel and two to start up an Australian support group for facial differences. How many people get to do that?

1) My novel:
I have wanted for many years to write a novel where the central character has Crouzon syndrome. I had written a few rough drafts though the years but nothing seemed right. With the knowledge I got from my writing courses and pointers from my mentor I disciplined myself to keep on keeping on, writing and editing, rewriting and editing... until I was finally satisfied with my final product. Both Melissa and Nick read the book and gave me feedback. They were both very critical and very good at telling me exactly what they thought!

The main character Isabella, 'Issy' is based on Melissa. The story has my own and Melissa's experiences woven into it, along with fictitious events.

The novel is called I am Isabella and it is now at the editor's. I am very excited! My next step will be to get it published which I pray God will work out for me.

2) Our Faces Support www.ourfacessupport.org.au
I have wanted to start a support group for people who have facial differences, living in Australia. There is very little support here. I have already made youtube videos and founded facebook groups but I still feel that there is a need for people to get-together and to communicate outside of social media. I like the American support organisations - they are awesome. So in the last couple of weeks this has come to fruition. Of course we are in the early stages and I am recruiting members (free membership) to get it up and running but it is so exciting!

So stay tuned to find out what is going to happen next!


© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey

Blog 73 - Out with the old - welcome to the new!

This afternoon I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon tea at school. Sitting around the table chatting about old times and current times, were friends of mine. Familiar faces who also happened to be colleagues. This was my farewell retirement afternoon tea from 25 years of teaching at the one school. Twenty-five years of lots of positive and negative experiences in my personal and professional life.
I didn't expect to be leaving teaching now but multiple doors closed one after another at the end of last year, due to my anxiety and depression, and I was not able to return. I have kept my faith that God was in control and knew what was going on.

From bad always comes good.

I have seen this time and time again throughout my life. And again in this situation I am seeing it happen.
From the end of 2013, God has been working. He gave me a part-time job which helped me to overcome shyness and become more self-confident; He showed me a writing course I could do to improve my skills (I have a dream to be a published writer); He put me in a writer's group; He brought me a writing mentor; He has led me to meeting the chaplain at the local high school which is taking me to working with girls. None of this would have happened if I was back in the classroom this year.

Things are meant to happen, even if we do not understand them at the time.

I am looking forward to seeing where else God is going to take me.

© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey

Blog 72 - All is Good

Here are my three beautiful children - taken today, a few days before Christmas.

Life is good in the Woolsey household.

We all wish you a very happy and blessed Christmas!



© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey

Bog 71 - Holiday Reflections

It is almost Christmas and the kids are on holidays. My son Nick is counting down the days to that magical day that baby Jesus was born.

As I look back on 2013, I have to say that this year has been an interesting one.

• It began with the continuation of Nick having his RED halo device on. The device came off in February. 
• Melissa went into Year 7, her final year of primary school.
• Jessica went into Year 1 mainstream - a nervous but exciting time.

And now here we are at the end of the year.

Nick's Lefort III was a huge success. His face has settled down really well and we have all adjusted to the way he looks. He does have a deviated septum now due to the movement of the bones but as it is not affecting his breathing it requires no intervention. He also has a lisp as he is still pronouncing his words the same way as he did before his mid-face advancement. We will investigate speech therapy for him in the new year. He had a great year at school, both academically and socially. Nick (or Nicky to his friends and teachers) is a wonderful boy and well liked at school.
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Melissa has come out of her shell more this year. It has been wonderful to see her self-confidence grow and her ability to make friends improve. She has had a very good year academically, socially and emotionally. A highlight of the year being the presentation of the  'Children of Courage' Award which was presented to her by the local Lions Club for her bravery over the years. I wasn't too sad to see her finish primary school as I know high school has great things in store for her.

Jessica, who has taught us so much about the simple things in life, has done well in mainstream school. She is reading and writing and doing basic maths. Her favourite subject is music. She is a visual learner and amazes us with her memory for people, songs and actions. Jessica is popular with the other children and well liked by everyone at the school. She is educating the world on DS.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that Melissa and Nick are A/B students and Jess is a D/E student... and that's okay.

My year personally has been a hard one. I ended up having another stress burnout breakdown in July. Worse than the one I had had previously which I wrote about in Blog 69. I don't think I truly recovered from the first breakdown and with the situation remaining unchanged, I guess it was written in the wind that it would happen again. Basically I had too much stress on my plate with work, being mum and wife etc. Me, superwoman, learnt that I can't be everything and do everything. Eventually something breaks and it was my body and my mind.

As previously written about, I do suffer from anxiety and depression, and as my stress increased so did my anxiety, and I was constantly sick on top of this.  This all sent me into a spiral which I tried to push through but landed in a heap.

It was an awful place to be but with the support of my hubby, friends and a psychologist I have rebuilt myself, stronger and more aware of what makes me tick. I am working on ways to deal with stress and my anxiety. I am also learning that I have a lot of negative core beliefs about myself that I acquired in childhood and those teenage years by the way I was treated by others due to being born with a craniofacial syndrome, and they still affect me today. Core beliefs of: 'being born different = being unimportant and unpopular'; 'being born different = constant rejection'; 'being born different = not good enough to get what you think you deserve'; 'being born different = not good enough to be a girlfriend'; 'being born different = prejudice because of the way you look'; 'being born different = deserving of mistreatment'.

I am in the process of working through these beliefs, and there are probably others I will discover along the way. Eighteen years of verbal and physical bullying, constantly being rejected by both girls and boys in many situations and never being in the 'popular' group have left emotional scars in my heart and sub-conscious. With the help of God working through my psychologist I am slowly rewriting these core beliefs - these core beliefs are untrue! I am lovable, I am valuable, I am worthy, I deserve good things in life and I deserve to be treated with respect. When the old automatic negative thoughts (ANT) come into my head from now on I will be squashing them as they are all lies!

It has been important for me to work through all of this junk thinking that is stored in my sub-conscious to find peace in my life. God offers peace and heals the hurt and He is doing that for me with the extra help of a person to bare my soul to, who won't judge, who will just listen and explain to me why I did the things I have done over the years. For me it was important to know for example why I willingly went into an abusive relationship then marriage for 13 years (my core beliefs!) God has good plans for my life and for me to go forward stronger and to be sure of myself in Him. I need to dust out the cobwebs and shadows of the past to make way for the sunshine of the future to come in.

As part of my new road to the future I have started to study as well - to become a teacher librarian. I have decided with the 'new' me, and my GP who constantly goes mad at me for being so stressed out, that I need a change in direction with my career. I have been a classroom teacher for 25 years and now it is time for a change. I am sinking my teeth into and enjoying my new found challenge. Can't wait until I am in my own little library world :)

Tomorrow I am going to bake gluten free gingerbread men with the kids!

© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey

No part of this blog may be reproduced without prior permission

Blog 70 - A Sudden Realisation

Well it is the start of the Winter school holidays. It's been a tough term for me with a very challenging class. These holidays are very welcomed! The Winter break, with its cooler weather, in the Woolsey household is a time to do some tidying up.  So the first few days have seen the children tidying and cleaning their bedrooms and the playroom. I have just bought some new pruning clippers and a chainsaw so I have started attacking the much neglected garden outside.
But today it was time for a break. Melissa and Nick have been eyeing up some toys in the Toy Sale catalogues. They've been carrying the catalogues around the house, leaving them strategically perched in places for me to see. They wanted to go shopping with just Mummy - no Daddy and no Jessica. Now that doesn't mean that Daddy and Jessica are unwanted, it just means that they love having my undivided attention and my wallet! And I do love spending time with them. It doesn't happen very often because I work and I am unable to drive. These times with Melissa and Nick are special moments and they always talk about the times we have been able to have them.
The kids and I had a lovely relaxed lunch - they chose McDonald's fries, sundaes and a drink. Nick being on a gluten free diet extremely limits what he can eat that is take-away, and Melissa being the caring big sister she is, is happy to have the same as him.
After having lunch we walked from one end of the shopping centre to the other to visit the stores with the toy sales. We walked around the stores, feeling like detectives trying to find the specific toys they were after. To the delight of the children they were able to find what they were after, and we chose a Dora doll for Jess to take home.
As we were walking back through the shopping centre, stopping to look in other shops, a sudden thought came into my head. We were blending into the crowd. No one was turning to stare at us. No one was pointing, or snickering or making comments. Society, well the people who constitute society, have said that Melissa's and Nick's faces are now acceptable. Melissa and Nick were oblivious to what I was thinking - they were just being their usual excited selves, happy with their new treasures they were carrying, and trying to get me to spend more money on them!
This sudden realisation brought back my memory of when I finally blended into the crowd - it was after my final surgery when I was 18. Being anonymous was like a giant weight being lifted off my shoulders, and at the time I wanted to dance and sing.
Time will tell what happens in the future.

© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey

No part of this blog may be reproduced without prior permission