Men would take an interest in me which made me feel special....this continued to build my self-esteem.
I met an American guy on-line. I became obsessed with him. We talked as much as we could and he occupied my thoughts all the time.
After 3 months of phone calls and talking he came out to Australia to meet me.
It wasn't the fairytale meeting as planned for though we thought we knew each other, there were idiosyncrasies about each other that we didn't know. There were cultural differences which had to be overcome. And any act that remotely resembled 'control' in my twisted mind, sent me over the edge. I also had no clue how to communicate my feelings as I had shut down that part of me in the previous relationship...so this man had to be very patient with me.
In hindsight he should have run for the hills. But he didn't. He loved me and wanted to be with me. I didn't know what I wanted. He ended up not going back to the USA to live permanently.
We decided that we would get married. I did not know if this was the right decision but he met my list of prerequisites - he was kind to me, not controlling, my parents liked him and he believed in God. Even though I had turned my back on God I still required this for my future relationship so I guess I had not totally rejected God... just felt I needed a break from Him for a while. Luckily God did not turn His back on me and was quietly working in the background causing things to happen which I was unaware of...orchestrating events....He knew that this man was the right man for me.
Before he came out to see me I had emailed heaps of photos to him showing him my face and explaining about Crouzon syndrome. He did not understand what I was talking about because I looked 'normal'. When we were talking about marriage we talked about the syndrome and my 50/50 chance of passing on the gene. He didn't care. He loved me and thought that I turned out great...so there was no reason not to take the risk. A burden was raised from my shoulders. At that time also there was no other option for us to have our own children. We were too old for adoption and there was no genetic testing for Crouzons available in Australia so IVF would have been a waste of time.
My husband also had his own 'thorn in the flesh'. He was born with 'green keepers thumbs' and twisted muscles in his arms. He had had operations too and had big scars on his arms. Being different was nothing new to him.
We thought having children would take a while so I went off the pill before we got married. I found out I was pregnant a month later. We were shocked but excited.
Our wedding day was beautiful. Under blue skies, beside a lake, we were married. We had written poetry to each other and released doves. A harp played in the background. We were of course completely in love and oblivious to what lay ahead for us as a couple.
© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey
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