Blog 7 - High school

I loved my new face. I felt confident. I felt like I fitted in. The teasing was minimal.

Apart from having to have braces on my teeth, and doctors check ups, the rest of primary school was ok.

My faith was also developing. I loved RE in school and I went to youth group at church. I knew Jesus loved me and was watching over me. I treasured my bible.

Then I hit high school...the bigger world full of opinions and perceptions and taunts. But also a place where I formed some strong friendships which still exist today.

First day of Year 8: Children from miles away came to our local high school. Children who did not know me and what I had been through. I was both excited and nervous to be going there. I was leaving the known and going to the unknown.
Everyone gathered in the assembly hall. Our names were called out and that was the class we were in. I was in 8C...thank goodness with my best friend. I went outside to line up and my first introduction to high school were two boys in my class who stared, snickered and made comments about me. A chill went down my spine. I turned my back on them.


My Changing Face: I noticed in the mirror that my face was changing. My mid face was not getting bigger, it was staying where the surgeons had put it. This realisation was absolutely devastating to me.
Upon my parents questioning the doctors about this, they were told that yes that would happen. The mid face would not grow with the rest of my face. This was a finding from the surgeries that had been performed on children like myself. At the age of 18 I could have more surgery to move the mid face to where it should be. Until then I had to put up with it. A big blow to my self-esteem. Particularly at a time when girls are very self-conscious about how they look. I hated looking different.

Another bout of braces as well

The cruel comments and feelings of rejection continued throughout high school. Both girls and boys were mean to me. Whether they were daily or not is a blur, but there were enough of them to affect me. The name calling has clouded my memories of high school. When I think of high school my first thoughts are the awful names I was called. They have left emotional scars like a hot branding iron.

But when I focus for  awhile and search for the positive nature of high school, memories do come to me. I did have fun times with my friends, hanging out under buildings and in the library, going to the school dances, playing volleyball, being in musicals etc. and I enjoyed most of my subjects - except for Chemistry and Maths which I tried to understand but just couldn't! There were also a few caring teachers who took an interest in me and helped me with my learning and made me feel special. They made it so much easier to walk through those school gates. I am very appreciative to them for taking the time to see me for me.

Teachers never under-estimate the impact you have on your students.

I always aimed for perfection which I never attained. I experienced success and failure, not coping with the failure well at all. My self-esteem was connected to how well I performed. Failing Chemistry did not do my self-esteem any favours.

I involved myself in as many different activities as I could. Again my self-esteem was embedded in my outward activities and achievements.

I also loved acting. It was so good to not be 'Jenny the girl with the elephant man face'... I excelled in this subject.

Throughout high school I continued to grow in my faith. I joined the school Inter School Christian Fellowship group and was involved in lots of activities. These people were my closest friends along with my best friend from primary school. She always stood by me. I also continued to go to youth group and went to church. I knew my God was watching over me. I would often cry out to God in desperation to help me cope with my life and my mixed up turmoil of emotions. I would often sneak into the church and kneel at the altar pouring out my prayers.

As I was getting older, and realising that I was alone with this 'disease', (Anyway, why did I have a disease, I wasn't contagious!) I became to question God as to why I was born with it. I was the only one in my family. It wasn't fair. What was the reason??? There was no support group for me. I had no counselling. The guidance officer wasn't someone you could go and talk to about your problems. There was no adult that I felt I could confide in. No one  understood what I was going through. I felt all alone with what I was coping with.

Outside of school I found security in my local Ranger Guide/Ranger group. I had been in Guides, loving it so much, that I continued on. We were a tight knit group doing heaps of fantastic activities. I loved the camping, the craft, the activities we did, the community service...everything really. I have no negative memories of Rangers. I was loved, I was accepted, I was challenged and I had fun! I achieved my Queen's Guide Award and went to Parliament House to receive my award from the Governor.

This photo is of me at a Girl Guide event. 

I developed two personalities. In fact I developed these in primary school but they became more pronounced when I was a teenager. I had the shy, withdrawn Jenny and I had the extrovert Jenny. Depending on where I was, determined which Jenny was seen.

I also became a chameleon in another way as well. At church and home I would behave in the expected ways for those situations, saying all the right things, doing all the right things....but then when I was left to my own devices did many things that were 'sins' to try and gain acceptance and love. It didn't mean I didn't love God, in fact I loved God obsessively, and suffered from a huge burden of guilt...but teenagers do these things in their mixed up lives. Luckily there were no major consequences from my poor choices.

One day sitting in Biology talking to my friend instead of working, I was talking to her about why did she think I was born with my syndrome. I was desperately trying to find an answer. My biology teacher who obviously was listening intervened and told me that I was given my face 'to glorify God'. I didn't understand it at the time but I do believe that this was a prophesy on my life.

© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey

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