A few days into the honeymoon I started to bleed. Ringing the obstetrician he told us to come home and I went to have an ultrasound. I was 11 weeks.
We were very nervous not understanding what all this meant.
We waited with anticipation whilst the technician put the gel on my stomach and then the ultrasound. There was a long silence.
The technician abruptly said 'there's no baby there'. There was just the sac.
She left us and we sobbed in shock. No baby!
We went and ate and cried. I then had to go and see my obstetrician. He said I had a 'blighted ovum' where the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks and been re-absorbed by the body. Because the sac remained the body thought it was still pregnant which is why I felt pregnant - was having nausea and was putting on weight.
The obstetrician said I needed to go to the hospital to have a D & C to have the sac removed. I had eaten which he wasn't impressed about so I was booked in for the following morning.
I remember going to the hospital and sitting in that darkened room. My world had fallen apart. My honeymoon was ruined. I could hear babies crying and knew that I would never hear my baby's cry.
I had the D & C and we were given miscarriage brochures to take home. No counselling. My husband and myself were alone in our grief. We shut ourselves away in the townhouse and would not answer the phone.
A few weeks later we went into the city to apply for Joe's permanent visa. Unknowingly he had overstayed his visa. When he got his electronic visa in the USA he was not given the right information on its conditions. Immigration were understanding but there were rules....he was given a month to leave the country and he could not come back on a visitors visa for 3 years. If there had been a baby he could have stayed and we could have fought the ruling...but a dead baby did not count...that added another knife into the wound in our hearts.
We also had a new puppy which was barking too much and complaints were being made, so we had to leave the townhouse. We didn't have much money and bought a very cheap house. It passed the building inspection but there were many problems with it that were not picked up. The people living in the house also lit a fire in the kitchen the morning of the sign over which we did not know about until we moved in.There were no locks on any of the doors and the first night we slept in the lounge room with a baseball bat at our heads. The tears poured down my face.
Our world again turned upside down. I took 3 months off work and we went back to the States together. We re-applied for his spousal visa and waited to hear.
While we waited we travelled and did some sight-seeing. We travelled up the east coast and went into the mid-west to visit my husband's relatives. This was a good time though we were extremely stressed out. After arriving back in Miami where my husband lived, I found out that I was pregnant again. We were ecstatic but I was extremely worried about the pregnancy. I had not fully recovered emotionally from my previous miscarriage, I was worried it would happen again and I didn't like not being able to go and see my own obstetrician.
With the stress we were under, I started to bleed. I freaked out big time! My husband raced my to the hospital and I had an ultrasound. The baby was still there with a beating heart and it was called a 'threatened miscarriage'. Soon after I went to see an obstetrician and again the baby was still there with a beating heart. I was so thankful.
I began experiencing morning sickness and I was desperate to go home. The American food just did not taste like Australian food.
My husband's visa came through quickly which was an absolute blessing. We were told it could take years. We then had to separately go back to Australia as we could not get a flight together. The funny thing being I had an empty seat beside me all the way home - I said my guardian angel was with me - though it should have been my husband. Once home I went back to work and preparations were made for our new baby girl.
© 2012 by Jenny Woolsey
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